


Misunderstandings

by busy_bee7



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Coming Out, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Misunderstandings, Pining, Pre-First War with Voldemort, Seventh year, Sirius comes out, Very minor snape and peter tho, bc I hate them, for james and lily, for sirius and remus, theyre both pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:40:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28208463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/busy_bee7/pseuds/busy_bee7
Summary: James and Sirius both are hoping to win over their respective crushes, but no one even knew Sirius was into boys. Until James manages to get it out of him.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black & James Potter, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 102





	Misunderstandings

Sirius was used to getting what he wanted while at Hogwarts. In first year he wanted to be in Gryffindor, and he was. In second year he wanted to officially make his friend group called the marauders, and that’s what they were called. In third year he wanted to see what making out was like, so he made out with about six girls. In fourth year he wanted to grow his hair out, so he did. In fifth year he wanted to move in with James Potter’s parents, so he did. 

It wasn’t until sixth year that he realized that there were some things he couldn’t have. Specifically, Remus. The brown-haired, skinny, book-smart boy with the best ass Sirius had ever seen was remarkably not his. That pissed Sirius off, but there was not a lot he could do about it. So he ignored the feelings for the boy for an entire year, hoping that over the summer before their last year at Hogwarts, he would find something else to focus on. He saw Remus on the first day of September on the train and realized quickly that his emotions toward the boy hadn’t changed. Suddenly his only priority was Remus. Being around Remus while studying, sleeping in Remus’s bed when either of them had nightmares, spending the day of and the day after the full moon by his side to make sure he was okay, it didn’t matter where, if Remus was there, Sirius also was. 

“Sirius, I have a new plan for wooing Lily this year,” James announced the second day of classes. Remus was in the library studying at an hour that even Sirius wouldn’t put up with, and Peter had already passed out. That left the room with just James and Sirius at the moment, and that meant that James was going to lay out his new plan for getting Lily Evans to go on a date with him. 

“Do tell, what have you planned this year?” Sirius asked. Sirius loved James but he was beginning to tire of hearing about Lily. Possibly because James talked about her too much, but also because Remus and Lily were quite good friends. But Sirius was not jealous, no. His love for Moony was a close kept secret. Hogwarts was not ready for a bent Sirius Black, and if he was being honest with himself, he didn’t know if he was ready to admit it to anyone but himself yet. 

“I’m going to ignore her,” James stated proudly. Now that was a sentence that took Sirius out of his Moony-Bent-Internalized-Homophobia mind cloud.

“You won’t last a day,” he said, sliding off his bed, already a disaster after one night, and walking to where James was sitting on the rug by his trunk. He took a seat by his friend and looked at him carefully. Sirius had spent the last two summers at James’s house, and the two were closer than ever before, and if James was truly going to try to ignore Lily Evans, something was up. 

“She’s tired of me,” James said, a little quieter and more serious than Sirius expected him to be, “and I...honestly am getting tired of seeing her get mad at me. I don’t know if you know what being in love is like, Pads, but I hate seeing her mad. I love her smile, Pads, and I’m tired of being someone who puts an end to it.”

“I...I didn’t know you were in love with her, Prongs.” Sirius looked up from where his gaze had settled on his lap into James’s eyes. They were sad. 

“I’m almost eighteen now, and the world isn’t a good place for her and her family. I’d do anything to help her, so I decided I’m going into the secret society that Dumbledore is creating. Pads, I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life, but if Lily Evans doesn’t love me, I’m still going to make sure she’s safe. We’re Head Boy and Head Girl this year, and she just blew me off completely in the first meeting on the train. I want to put the past behind me and...grow up. I’m so gone on her, and I just want her to stop hating me,” James said, unable to make eye contact with Sirius. 

“I know what being in love is like,” Sirius whispered, barely audible. James’s head turned to look at Sirius faster than light. 

“No, you don’t!” 

“I think I would know when I’m in love, but thanks,”

“You - you never mentioned anyone to me, much less that you’ve been in love!” James cried. 

“Shut up, you’ll wake Wormy and I don’t need him knowing a thing,” Sirius glared at Peter, still sleeping as if nothing was happening in his room, as if two of his best friends weren’t exposing their deepest secrets to each other. 

“Sirius,” James sighed, “you can tell me anything, please tell me who you’re in love with,” he put a hand on Sirius’s shoulder and squeezed. James was strong and muscular from being Quidditch captain for a year now, and from having played since first year. Sirius, on the other hand, wasn’t weak, but in comparison to James, was a feather. James was tan, from being outside so much, and his shoulders really had filled out over the last two years. His hair, how ever, remained a mess. Sirius’s hair was still a long tangle, usually in a bun, and he too had filled out over the summer. But Hogwarts’ rebel Black family son who was a Gryfindor and caused so much trouble, was weaker than we wanted to admit. His family abandoned him, he struggled with letting people in, his nightmares were getting worse, and he was bent for his best mate. 

“Don’t hate me.”

“I couldn’t.”

“I’m bent.” It was soft-spoken and quieter than James had ever seen Sirius be. His heart hurt for his best friend at that moment.

“You’re what?”

“Bent, I like men,” said Sirius, a little sharper and louder than before. A sure sign of Sirius being scared or upset was the tightness of his voice and being cold. 

“No,” James shook his head, “I got that, I just can’t believe you didn’t tell me, Pads, I would never hate you, god. Sirius, come here,” He scooted closer to Sirius, who in that time had curled himself as small as he could and let his long black hair cover his face. James gave him one of the biggest hugs he had received. 

“I’ve known since - since fourth year. I - I would have told you sooner but I was just kicked out and I didn’t want to be kicked out again -”

“I would never do that, Pads, who do you think I am?” James pulled away and looked Sirius in the eyes. “You’re my brother, I love you, I can’t believe you thought I would, Merlin, I’m so sorry.” he exhaled and wiped tears from his face. Sirius hadn’t meant for this to be so emotional. Oh well. It looked like they were starting the year out a lot closer. 

“I’m sorry,” Sirius whispered.

“The only thing you should be sorry for is still not telling me who you’re gone on,” James laughed weakly, while Sirius swore under his breath. He thought he dodged that bullet.

“Isn’t this about Lily?” he pleaded. 

“I suppose one secret is enough for tonight, but top business for all of us is to find who you’re in love with!” James announced, right as Sirius turned around to the sound of Remus coming back from his late-night reading session. 

“Sirius, you’re in love with someone?” he whispered, and dear Merlin did his face break Sirius’s heart. He looked exhausted, as usual, but he also looked terribly upset. Remus was holding his bookbag, pins decorating the outside, and despite it being the literal second night of classes, it was overflowing. The pounding in Sirius’s chest that started at James’s probing questions leading to his coming out had calmed down until now when the sight of Remus got his blood pumping again. This time, it hurt. 

“Can I please just go to bed?” he cried, the pressure of the questions causing him to crack. He silently went to his bed, unshowered, and pulled the curtains. Outside, he heard James quietly explaining to Remus the conversation they had shared, not including the bent part. He laid in bed unable to fall asleep. 

“James, you know Lily doesn’t hate you, right?” he heard Remus sigh after a little while of silence. 

“I doubt that, Moony. I think she might have the hots for you, though,” he laughed sadly. 

“Certainly not. She told me she’s seen improvement from you. With your behavior. And she might have let slip that she thinks your shoulders are hot.” 

“No way!” James exclaimed too loudly. 

“Shut up! And yes, but don’t let it get to your head. Now sleep, please.”

_____

For the first few weeks after his coming out, Sirius had remained shaken up, as if he still expected to be outed by James or kicked out of the family he had found. James, however, was more dedicated to finding out who Sirius was in love with than worrying about Lily. For once, he was not chasing her, and Merlin did it feel good to not have to get rejected on the daily. They had even become friends of a sort.

“Lily, do you mind me taking off rounds next Thursday?” He asked casually one day at breakfast. Sirius looked up cautiously. Next Thursday was the full moon, and James’s first time doing rounds during it. Lily looked over from where she was sitting by Dorcas and Alice to glare at James. As she turned her red hair in its braid swung over her shoulder. James pretended to not be affected by that and continued to give her a pleading look. 

“Any why should you be skipping rounds?” she asked playfully. Damn. He thought she would say yes without question. 

“I have a huge Quidditch practice Friday morning!” he lied quickly. Thankfully none of the Gryffindor Quidditch players were around to question it. Lily let out a soft sigh and nodded. 

The rounds had quickly become James’s favorite part of the day. Each night at ten pm he and Lily would have an hour to wander the halls of Hogwarts as the pleased and sometimes bust some couples that thought they wouldn’t get caught. James had taken to using the map before they left the Gryffindor common room to know where people were hiding. He also then knew where to avoid the groups of students that he knew were up to no good, planning activities in the dark of night, it matched the dark magic they were doing. James would love to find them, take points away, bust them, or whatever he could, but putting Lily in a situation full of danger wasn’t something James ever wanted to do. So he kept his map close to him during rounds to ensure no one dangerous was nearby. 

“James, I think I heard talking down this corridor,” Lily whispered to him one night at around ten forty-five. 

“Hold on,” he said, checking the map to see who was down there. Slytherins, and dangerous ones. Just as he thought. “I think we should go the other way, I heard a lot of voices and footsteps too,” James exclaimed, begging that he wouldn’t have to explain anything to Lily. Lily, however, was way too smart to not catch his hesitance. 

“We can go separate ways, I’ll go where I heard voices, you go where you did,” she stated and began walking towards the Slytherins. James lunged forward and grabbed her arm. 

“What are you doing? Get off me!” she exclaimed, still trying to keep her voice down. 

“Lily, you can’t go down there, and not alone, god. I’m...I’m sorry but there’s Slytherins who I know to have connections to You Know Who down there.”

“You know this how?” she raised an eyebrow. 

“Don’t turn me in,” he whispered, and brought out the map, tapping it and whispering the code. As the map lit up with names, Lily’s eyes widened and she looked at James with questioning eyes. 

“Remus is bloody brilliant. We made this with his help, okay we helped him, in fifth year. I just don’t want you to get hurt, Lily. They would hurt you and I can’t let that happen, even if it means lying to you about our rounds sometimes,” James whispered to her. He was done speaking but Lily wasn’t responding, just tracing the map with her finger. “I’m sorry,” he said again.

“Don’t be, this is genius. I wish you showed me sooner. Merlin, this is why Remus always knew where people were when we were on rounds. Bloody cheater,” she whispered fiercely. “And uh, thanks. For you know, not letting a bunch of wannabe Death Eaters hurt me,” she said, finally looking up at James. They held eye contact for a moment. In that time, the Slytherins had gone back to their dorm in that time, and James and Lily were the only ones in the entire area of the castle they were in. 

“I know why you skipped rounds on Thursday.”

“I had a Quidditch practice!” 

“Bullshit. You go with Remus, I don’t know how you help him without getting hurt, but that’s where you go,” she stated confidently. 

“First of all,” said James, completely taken aback, “what do you know about Remus?” James asked her, in a tone far more serious than Lily had really ever heard him use. 

“I know about his...furry little issue,” she sighed. “I asked him about it last year when I noticed his Prefect routine was scheduled around the moon. He told me. He didn’t tell me that you three are bloody Animagi. That’s illegal and brilliant,” she exclaimed. 

“So you’re not going to turn me in?” he asked her sheepishly. She looked at him as if he was an idiot. 

“No, James, Merlin, who do you take me for? I love Remus and want what’s good for him. You three are his best friends and I would never take that away from him,” she was frankly a little upset that after so long of pining after her, James still thought she was the petty snitch that she was in her younger years. 

“You love him?” James said, clearly distraught but trying to appear interested. “I was unaware you two were -” 

“Shut it, I love him as a friend, the same as I love Alice and Dorcas, I don’t - I’m not in love with him,” she said, unable to make eye contact for a reason James didn’t know. “I’m not in love with anyone,” Lily continued, murmuring this time. 

“Hey uh,” James cleared his throat, “I’m sorry that I scared boys away from you. That was immature and selfish of me. I was...scared I’d lose you, you know?” he looked at her but she refused to look back. “We should probably head back, it’s past eleven,” he suggested. 

“James,” she breathed, “I...I’m sorry I judged you so much.”

“You certainly had reason to,” he laughed, slightly confused where the conversation was going. 

“I...James you...god I’m sorry we need to get back to the dorm now,” she started walking at a fast pace away from James. Away from James in the wrong direction of their dorm. 

“Lily? Lily, wrong direction!” he yelled, running to catch up with her. He came to a stop when she buried her face in her hands and leaned against the wall, crying. Fuck James thought. Never had he seen strong, gorgeous Lily Evans crying. Probably not a good sign. 

“I’m scared,” she whimpered. “I’m head girl but I’m scared of pricks in Slytherin who want to hurt me because I was born to muggles. I’m scared that my family will be hurt, and my sister just told me that I’m not family to her, and Severus called me Mudblood last year and I should be over it but I’m NOT!” she cried, shrinking down to the floor. James let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding and sat on the ground next to her, putting an arm around her. 

“I’ll fight for you, Lily. Dumbledore, he has a group that is working to put away the Death Eaters, I, I’m joining it after this year Lily. I won’t let them hurt you or your family,” he whispered. Lily snorted unattractively.  
“And then there’s you!” Lily exclaimed, turning her head violently to look at James, her red hair falling out of its high ponytail. The pieces framed her face nicely. 

“What did I do? Lily, I thought we’re on good terms, I know it’s only October but I haven’t pestered you, I just, what -” he flabberghasted. Nothing he did was right for Lily Evans, was it?

“You and your bloody selflessness, being an Animagi, spending full moons with Remus, taking in Sirius, helping Peter’s family, caring for everyone on your team, and now THIS! ‘Fighting for me’, you’re so...insufferable and you aren’t asking me out anymore!” she wiped the hair from her face and looked at James’s clueless face with a frown. “So smart, make a whole map, turn into a deer -”

“Stag.”

“Whatever, but don’t notice that I’m falling for you?” she said desperately, looking at him carefully, evaluating his expressions as they turned from confused to shocked. 

“You’re what?” he leaned away from her a fragment.

“Now you don’t even like me, do you?” she asked accusingly. “Merlin, have the worst luck. For six years I let you pester me, and the year that you decide to stop asking me out I go and fall for your dumb face. You’re bloody hot, you know that? And how selfless you are. And how much you care for people. Fuck, James, I’m sorry.” 

“Lily, oh my god. I...I love you still, I stopped asking you out because I hated seeing you unhappy, but Merlin, can I kiss you?” he was shaking where he sat but didn’t even have time to gage a response before Lily was on top of him. He grunted at the unexpected girl in his arms. He was finally kissing Lily Evans and Merlin was it good. Her mouth was sweet, but he could taste the teardrops on her lips still and reached his hand up to brush them from her face. 

“I’ll protect you,” he breathed out as the broke apart. “I’ll always protect you.”

“I want you, James, in every way I can have you,” she whispered, clutching his shoulders and looking into his eyes deeply. James was still in shock. Processing kissing your crush of seven years was taking some time. 

“It’s late, we can talk about this later, Lils, we should get back to the dorms,” he said, holding her face. She leaned in for a quick kiss and then stood up on shaking legs. The two walked back, never letting their hands separate. That was the beginning of James and Lily having the most dynamic and talked about relationship in all of Hogwarts.

_________

Remus plopped down in the library next to Lily. The two had come to the habit of studying together right after dinner and had a competition to see who could stay in the library later. 

“So, you and James, finally. I wasn’t sure how long he could last,” Remus smiled. Lily rolled her eyes and blushed. 

“His technique of not asking me out worked, what can I say, genius idiot.”

“Now I don’t need to worry about anyone being in love beside Sirius,” he grumbled. 

“Rem, you should just ask him about it. If you’re best friends, he’ll tell you who he loves, and you can work on getting over this,” she smiled sympathetically at Remus. He had promptly told her about the conversation he had walked in on several months ago. Lily knew the stubborn wolf wouldn’t ever admit that he was in love with Sirius, but she acted as if it were common knowledge. 

“I don’t love Sirius, Lily, he’s a prat,” he lied. Lily raised her eyebrows at him and gave him a knowing look. “A prat who is my best friend, yes. He wouldn’t date me, Lily, you know why. Even if he was bent, I’m... a you know what. He deserves someone good. A girl.”

“Seriously? Take a look at the guy. Black has long hair and two eyebrow piercings. He’s about as straight as a circle, I bet,” she laughed. Remus rolled his eyes. He went back to his books, still unable to shake the feeling in the pit of his stomach that told him he certainly did like Sirius as more than a friend. If his masturbation sessions hadn’t been a clue to that already. No, he wouldn’t admit it, but the center of his imagination had been Sirius for the better part of three years. If he snuck out to the prefect's bathroom to wank to the thought of Sirius making love to him, that was his problem. 

Remus would love to find out who Sirius loved, but the idea of knowing that he didn’t love him would hurt him in ways he didn’t even want to think about. So James’s plan to figure out who Sirius loves became a one-man mission. 

_______

“Okay, I’ve gone through the list of all the males in Hogwarts sixth year and up,” James proudly announced to Sirius, who was laying upside down on his bed, fiddling with his wand. 

“Oh good, that’s a lot of people, good luck finding anything out,” Sirius retorted. He didn’t want anyone knowing. Well, that was a lie. He wanted everyone to know. He wanted to love Remus and he wanted the world to know that Remus was his. But Remus wasn’t his. He couldn’t show him off, he couldn’t whisper dirty thoughts in his ear during class, he couldn’t pin him against a wall, he couldn’t tell him he loved him. 

“Okay, I’m gonna go ahead and assume you aren’t in love with any of the Slytherin idiot people. You know who I’m on about,” James continued, unaware that Sirius was busy overthinking everything he wanted to do to Remus. “Give me some hints,” he demanded. Sirius grunted in response. “Is he in our year?” 

“Yes,” he answered. Sirius figured that James had already taken out Moony, Wormtail, and himself. He was wrong. 

“Is he on the Quidditch team?” 

“No.”

“Am I personally friends with him?” 

“...yes.”

“Is he Gryfindor?”

“Yes.”

“Is he bent?”

“And I would know that because?” Sirius glared at his friend on the floor. 

“You’re in love with him, I assumed you’ve fucked or at least messed around with him? Or gone on some dates?” James looked at his friend questioningly. It was only when Sirius broke eye contact that James understood the magnitude of what he was dealing with. 

“Oh Merlin, he doesn’t know you love him, does he?” He breathed. 

“No, and I’m going to keep it that way, Prongs,” he grumbled. Remus deserved a girl who wasn’t, well, him. 

“God this changes everything, is it a Marauder?” James looked at Sirius incredulously. Fuck. 

“James, please stop,” Sirius whined, covering his face with a pillow. He debated hexing his friend. 

“Is it...Sirius, you love Moony.” 

His stomach dropped. It was one thing to think about it all the time, another to hear it from the mouth of someone else. He felt so much pressure that at that moment he didn’t know if he should confirm or deny the accusation. 

“It’s okay, Pads, you can tell me,” James had loved up to sit next to him, pulling the pillow off Sirius’s face and making him sit up. 

“Yes, okay? I’m in love with Moony. He’s...just so…Moony. He’s smart. And beautiful. And so clever, god. He’s just so good and he deserves better than me. He’s so genuine and gentle and he thinks he’s not, but I swear I would treat him so well if he let me. If I would let myself,” he blubbered, fully crying now. “It hurts, James. To know he is scared,” he finally looked up at James, feeling smaller than he had in years. His black hair had fallen out of its knot at the top of his head and was in his face, covering the splotchy redness covering his cheeks, and brushing across the tears all over his face. Sirius Black only cried if he was completely overwhelmed, and it was fair to say he was overwhelmed by the emotions of being open about his feelings for the first time. 

“Sirius, I think you should talk to Remus,” James stated hesitantly. Sirius looked at him as if he were crazy. He let out a pitiful laugh and looked down at his hands. 

“I can’t deal with that kind of rejection, Prongs. He’s all I want in my future, and if I can keep him as a friend I’ll be okay. I can hide hurt, you’re well aware of that, but I don’t think I could even try to pretend I’d be okay if I didn’t have him at all.”

“You wouldn’t lose him, he’s your best mate,” James responded accusingly. 

“‘Oh hey, Remus, sorry to make this awkward, but I’ve been in love with you for a few years and was wondering if you wanted to try to turn our fragile platonic relationship into a dating relationship?’ because that would work, right, James?” he snapped. 

“You don’t know that it wouldn’t.”

“Remus Lupin and I will never be together. We’re not going to date, it will not happen,” he added, letting out a short breath. Only James wasn’t looking at him, he was looking behind him at the door. Fuck.

“I’m sorry to have inconvenienced you, Sirius. I will go to study elsewhere,” Remus said stiffly, the upset clear in his voice. He sharply turned, slamming the door behind him, leaving James and Sirius in a terrible silence. 

“What did he hear?” Sirius turned to James hurriedly, eyes blazing. James gulped. He hadn’t seen Sirius so terrified and angry in his life. 

“Just the part about you two never dating...he didn’t hear you say you’re in love with him,” he answered. Sirius rolled his eyes, standing up on weak legs. He grabbed the map with his right hand and his leather jacket with his left. He needed to clear things up. Even if it meant exposing his secret. But he needed Rumus in his life. So he left, headed towards the library, where a little black dot labeled Remus Lupin was waiting for him. However, before he could get to the library, he ran right into a very pissed off Lily Evans. 

“Sirius Black. What the hell did you do?” she grabbed his arm so he couldn’t leave the room. Leave it to Lily to keep him accountable. 

“There was a misunderstanding, he thinks I hate him, now can I go?” he tugged, only for her to grip tighter. Only then did she notice the tear marks trailing down his face. 

“Sirius, Remus came down here bawling his eyes out, saying something about how you found out he loves you and rejected him.” she lowered her eyebrows.

“I didn’t mean to reject him, he heard me saying that I would never date him because - wait, what do you mean he loves me?” he stopped tugging and promptly sat down on the nearest couch, dragging Lily down with him. She dropped his wrist. “He would never date me, he deserves someone better, and he’s not even bent, and I was just complaining about that and he walked in and heard me, but, Lily, does he love me?” he rambled on at such a high speed that even brilliant Lily couldn’t keep up. 

“Yes, Sirius, now fix this or I swear I will hex you,” she shoved him back onto his feet. 

_____

The library at night was empty, as one would expect. It was quiet, serene, calming, and the perfect place for Remus to cry his eyes out. He knew his chance with Sirius was none, but hearing it was quite heartbreaking. Hearing it from Sirius was devastating, and he knew it wouldn’t be an easy recovery. This wasn’t just a rejection, this was a denial of any chance, a brutal blow to his heart, and a loss of friendship most likely. Remus sat in the back of the library, deep within the shelves where no light could be seen, and his quiet sobs were likely to be not be heard. No one would find him here.

Except for Sirius. Holding the map, and staring at him as if he were dead. 

“Moony, please listen to me,” he sniffled. “You only heard a little bit of my conversation with James, the part where I said we wouldn’t - wouldn’t date. You didn’t hear my explanation for why we wouldn’t date.”

“Oh yes,” Remus snarled, “because I want to hear your reasons for not loving me. Go ahead Sirius, enlighten me,” he snapped, clearly not amused. 

“Rem, I’m so in love with you it hurts. I didn’t think I had a chance with you. You’re better than me, you deserve someone better than me, but I want you. Please, Moony, just tell me you feel the same,” he whined, tears starting again. Sirius hated being vulnerable. He really did, but now was the time for vulnerability. It was if he wanted Remus. 

“You’re the one who deserves better, Pads, someone who isn’t a bloody werewolf. I could hurt you. I don’t know what to do,” he admitted. 

“Do you love me?” Sirius whispered, walking closer towards Remus, pressing him up against the wall behind them. Fuck. Remus was so intoxicated by the minty breath, wild grey eyes, pale yet flushed skin, and of course, feeling Sirius’s body right there on his. 

“More than you could imagine, Pads, I want you more than anything,” he managed to choke out.

And instantly, Sirius was on him, holding his shoulders and pressing their lips together.


End file.
